"Opposite Woes"

Anyone for poetry? This is silly....

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"Opposite Woes"


"O, Dr. Day, there's something wrong!"
I told him with a yelp.
"Just tell me what it is," he said,
"I'll see if I can help."

"Well, it all started just lastweek,"
I told him with a frown.
"I made an effort to stand up;
Instead I sat back down."

"That's not so bad," the doctor said,
"Just dizziness I'm sure.
I have right here some medicine
that will affect a cure."

"If dizziness was all there was
I'll bet that would be true.
But there's still more that's going on
I need to share with you.

"I tried to fill my coffee cup
and tipped some from the spout
But, instead of filling up the mug
I found I'd poured it out!

"My shoes should go upon my feet -
they end up on my head.
I sleep upon my table and
I breakfast on my bed.

"I know that I'm right-handed;
I've been so all my life,
but recently I use my left,
At least, so says my wife.

"I'm drinking from the toilet and
I'm peeing in the sink.
My eyes are always open, while
my mouth's begun to blink!

"And if all that is not enough
To prove to you my plight,
I'd swear the Cubs have won the pennant
-
and that CAN'T be right!"

"So, left is right and right is wrong.
That's quite a list of ills.
I don't think I can solve this case
By giving you some pills.

"Let's see," Doc said, "I think I know
Some tests that we can run.
With those results we then will see
If something can be done."

And so they ran a CAT scan
With an MRI or two.
They tested both my ears, my mouth,
My bed and sink and shoe.

When all the tests were finished
The results were analyzed.
Then Dr. Day sat down with me
And shared the big surprise.

"We've figured out your opposites.
Our reasoning is clear.
Do you remember last week, the
Procedure you had here?

"It was a simple surgery;
We just removed your brain.
Once it was out we washed it
And returned it back again.

"But, sadly, a mistake was made,"
said Doc Day with a frown.
"For though your brain was clean,
We put it back in upside down."